...

Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame You begin to wonder why you came

Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've followed He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life

I found God On the corner of First and Amistad

Where the west Was all but won

All alone Smoking his last cigarette I said, "Where you been?"He said, "Ask anything.

Where were you When everything was falling apart?

All my days Were spent by the telephone It never rang And all I needed was a call It never came To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lyin' on the floor Surrounded, surrounded

Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late You found me, you found me

In the end Everyone ends up alone

Losing her

The only one who's ever known Who I am Who I´m not, who I wanna be

No way to know How long she will be next to me

Early morning The city breaks I've been callin' For years and years and years and years And you never left me no messages Ya never send me no letters You got some kinda nerve Taking all my world

Lost and insecure You found me, you found me Lyin' on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late You found me, you found me Why'd you have to wait? To find me, to find me

It just hit me! I go home in a week! I'm so excited to see my family and speak english.

Heavenly Father's Protective Hand

Monday, December 08, 2008
Yesterday was Fast Sunday. Ever since the accident I had Wednesday; I have been a bit of an insomniac. I have not had it easy falling to sleep and I have been reliving the accident over and over. I also have had he constant urging that I needed to bare my testimony to my ward. I did with a friend helping as a translator. I cannot possibly do it without crying. I hate that. I really don’t like crying in front of people.
First, more details on Wednesday…I was riding a horse that I have been in charge of riding for the past two weeks. The first day I rode him, he was a bit fresh. Plus, he is very large. I think he is the tallest horse I have ever ridden. I was never worried though. I thought if this is all he does then I can handle it. I told one of the boys who knows the horse well and he agreed that those were just some of the attitude things Felix (the horse) does. So, I was not worried and I continued to ride him with no problems. In fact, the Monday before this Wednesday, he was so extremely bored and he was such a sluggish horse. But, on Wednesday, he was wild and fresh. He pulled a few stunts but nothing I wasn’t handling fine. As I was already walking 20 minutes and I had another 25 minutes to go, I began to feel it in his body that something else was coming. So, I did what I knew I should do and that was to flex and bend him in his body so that he couldn’t find a way to straighten himself and balance a big temper tantrum. Well, what happened next is the sort of accident that has been known to put most people in the hospital. He launched off all four feet into the air and so I lost the reins. As I tried to gather them back up, he reared up, but not very high. The second he came back down I got the reins but he was back up in the air and this time he was too high that he was out of balance. Though, instead of falling backwards over top of me, he fell to the right sideways on my right leg. It the most obvious point ever in my life in which I was immediately aware of Heavenly Father’s protective hand over me. I, along with the six other witnesses (riders) in the arena could not believe what happened. Both the horse and I stood up immediately. Felix ran away kicking out. I just stood there looking down at myself and analyzing my leg. I immediately said a silent prayer to Heavenly Father for protecting me. As I looked up, everyone was staring at me asking if I was ok. I smiled and said “I am …WOW”. They were all floored. I noticed the door was open so I ran to close it. I then called out for someone not in the arena. I needed their help as I was suddenly a bit disoriented and I knew I needed to catch the horse but I didn’t feel I could. My friend Martina ran in the catch him. As she did he was becoming more dangerous. She let him have it which I was so happy with because I don’t think I could have handled it. I put him away and then I ran to where my own horse was. My personal things are there and it is private. I knelt and prayed again. I began to cry and Thank Heavenly Father again for protecting me. It was really as if a wall had hit the horse on the left side so that he fell to the right and not on top of me.
I had a bit of a headache after that but it went away. The worst pain is in my left neck. It is just the muscles that feel sore. My mom insisted that I go to a doctor quick but I told her that I didn’t think I could even deal with somebody trying to touch my neck. I couldn’t even touch it until yesterday. I cannot turn it to the right very well but it is getting better. The other thing is that my hearing has become super sharp. In a painful sort of way, I can hear the smallest of noises and loud noises are irritating. But I haven’t had any headaches because of it. Anyway, what I have realized is that my Heavenly Father loves me more than I know and he’s always looking out for me. I wonder sometimes why I am still being kept here but there must certainly be a good reason.

Still Alive

Today I have realized how fragile life is. I nearly lost mine today. I won't go far into details but Heavenly Father's protective hand was certainly over me in a moment when I was nearly (as my brother would have said it when he was 5y.o.) squashed like a grape. Instead I will only have some sore muscles and a headache. I took my first bath in so long, I forgot how pleasant they are.

Paderborn

Just a little history about the city where I live now...


777: Charlemagne’s first Frankish
Imperial Assembly held on Saxon
ground. In this context, the first
documentary mention of Paderborn.
799: Meeting between Charlemagne
and Pope Leo III. in
Paderborn: foundation of the bishopric
and preliminary talks on
crowning Charlemagne Emperor.
836: Transfer of the relics of
St. Liborius from Le Mans to
Paderborn; foundation of the
oldest town twinning in Europe.
Ca. 1000: Paderborn is awarded
town status.
1295: Paderborn becomes a
member of the Hanseatic League.
14th century: Paderborn is made
a prince-bishopric.
1614: Foundation of the first
Westfalian university by Prince-
Bishop Dietrich von Fürstenberg.
1802: The prince-bishopric
Paderborn becomes part of the
French “Kingdom of Westphalia”.
1813/14: After the fall of Napoleon,
the former prince-bishopric
Paderborn is handed over to
the Kingdom of Prussia as part
of the “Province Westphalia”
(until 1933).
1929: Paderborn is made
an archbishopric.
1945: Large-scale destruction of
the old town due to massbombing.
After the war it was built up
again, industry and trade were
incorporated.
1972: Foundation of the
University of Paderborn.
1975: Paderborn becomes a “city”
(more than 100,000 inhabitants).
1996: Visit by Pope John Paul II.
1999: Festival of the 1200th anniversary
of the meeting between
Charlemagne and Pope Leo III.
and Jubilee of the Bishopric.
2006: Great Exhibition “Canossa
1077 - History, art and culture of
the Romanesque age”.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I cried on the phone to my mom last night because I am homesick. I haven't cried in forever, I think I almost forgot how. And I think it was good for me. I needed it. But, I will be coming home for Christmas and I cannot wait to see my family.

I am trying to hold off until next summer to go down to Italia but have already been planning too much that I just want to go! I have an 11 page list of all the things I want to see in Florence, Venice, and Rome. Any of my friends who want to join me please do.

Also, update on Laura Alms (my brother's wife). According to my knowledge of their pregnancy, she should be due June 7-mid June. So, I will definitely be in Idaho next June for my introduction as the Best Aunt ever! I've already bought these cute little baby booties from a boutique here in Germany. : ) Matthew said she's already getting morning sickness :/ I hope it's not that bad.

Ciao!

Our new president...

So, I do just want to let you all know that I do care very much about this past week's election although the longest post just relays a longer description of my Birthday.
Anyway, all this time I was so anti-Obama and I was really scared of the thought of him coming to presidency. And, I am very much a Republican and I did take out my absentee ballot just so you know.
But, I didn't turn it in because the night before I left, McCain gave the most aweful speech in History and I became very confused and I'm sorry but...now Obama is President. I hate to say this but I feel some relief. I don't know what's come over me, but I have a feeling that everything is going to be ok.
So, now Obama is The President of the United States of America and I sustain him just as now I believe every american should. I may not agree with many of his stands but he is my president and I will sustain him as such. So, best of luck to all of you in the States! I will keep in touch with the news. I will be back in Missouri for Christmas and then I will enjoy a trip to Kuaui with my mom and dad.

007

Last night I went to see the new 007 movie that was awesome as far as I can remember until I fell asleep at the end so I have no idea how it ended. But, it did start off great. And I did see it in English as it was offered because of a British military base that is here. So, it was my new friend Paula(Sweden), Catelin(Australia), and myself watching the English version and then Bianca(Frankfurt), and Emma(Finland) watched it in German.

5 November 1986

Your date of conception was on or about 12 February 1986 which was a Wednesday.
You were born on a Wednesdayunder the astrological sign Scorpio.Your Life path number is 4.Your fortune cookie reads: Anger begins with folly, and ends with regret. Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 6 & 7.You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 3, 5 & 9.The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446739.5.The golden number for 1986 is 11.The epact number for 1986 is 19.The year 1986 was not a leap year.Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/9/1986 and ending 1/28/1987.You were born in the Chinese year of the Tiger.Your Native American Zodiac sign is Snake; your plant is Thistle.You were born in the Egyptian month of Tyby, the first month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 3 Heshvan 5747.Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 4 Heshvan 5747.
The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.13.8.15 which is12 baktun 18 katun 13 tun 8 uinal 15 kin
The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Wednsday, 2 Rabi'u'l-Avval 1407 (1407-3-2).
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 30 March 1986.The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 4 May 1986.The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 12 February 1986.The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 18 May 1986.The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 25 May 1986.The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 4 October 1986.The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 24 April 1986.The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 11 February 1986. As of 11/5/2008 2:21:26 AM ESTYou are 22 years old.You are 264 months old.You are 1,148 weeks old.You are 8,036 days old.You are 192,866 hours old.You are 11,571,981 minutes old.You are 694,318,886 seconds old.Celebrities who share your birthday:
Javy Lopez (1970)
Tatum O'Neal (1963)
Bryan Adams (1959)
Peter Noone (1947)
Sam Shepard (1943)
Art Garfunkel (1941)
Elke Sommer (1940)
Ike Turner (1931)
Vivien Leigh (1913)
Roy Rogers (1911)
Joel McCrea (1905)Top songs of 1986
That's What Friends Are For by Dionne & Friends
Walk Like an Egyptian by Bangles
On My Own by Patti LaBelle & Michael McDonald
Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston
Stuck with You by Huey Lewis & the News
Rock Me Amadeus by Falco
Kyrie by Mr. Mister
Kiss by Prince & the Revolution
Papa Don't Preach by Madonna
How Will I Know by Whitney HoustonYour age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.14520547945205 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)Your lucky day is Tuesday.Your lucky number is 9 & 11.Your ruling planet(s) is Mars & Pluto.Your lucky dates are 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th.Your opposition sign is Taurus.Your opposition number(s) is 6.
Today is not one of your lucky days!
There are 365 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 23 candles.Those 23 candles produce 23 BTUs,or 5,796 calories of heat (that's only 5.7960 food Calories!) .You can boil 2.63 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1986 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.In 1986 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.In 1986 in the US there were 2,400,000 marriages (10%) and 1,159,000 divorces (4.8%)In 1986 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.In 1986 the population of Australia was approximately 16,138,769.In 1986 there were approximately 243,408 births in Australia.In 1986 in Australia there were approximately 114,913 marriages and 39,417 divorces.In 1986 in Australia there were approximately 114,981 deaths.Your birthstone is Citrine -->The Mystical properties of Citrine
Citrine is said to help one connect with Spirit. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Yellow Topaz, Pearl, DiamondYour birth tree is
Walnut Tree, the Passion
Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.There are 50 days till Christmas 2008!There are 63 days till Orthodox Christmas!The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waxing crescent.

Today is My Birthday!!!

The girl by me is my new lil' sister. I'm living with a family here in Germany and they have 3 kids. Julian 20, Vanessa 18, and Samira 12. I'm having a great time with them and they crack me up!

Monday, November 03, 2008

As I was walking on the roads with my horse today, I found myself yodeling as we passed by some cows. Losing it…yes! But, I started laughing hysterically once I realized what I just did and turned my iPod on. Then I thought of the Sound of Music and tried to decide if this place reminded me of the movie. It does just a little.
In Germany, there is a mandatory relaxation period from 12-2. Most businesses are closed during these times except for most dining places and shopping centers. So, I usually come home during this period and get a few things done. Today I came home and started reading from my mark in my Book of Mormon. I realized that I only have a little over 100 more pages to read before I’ve finished it. So, I’ve challenged myself to finish it by my Birthday which is this Wednesday.

Stake Conference in Hannover

I had stake Conference today in Hannover which is a long drive. But, it was great to see all of the German church members gather together. For them I think it is really a big deal to see so many people gather together from the same Faith because they are so spread out. So, we were there forever afterwards because of all the visiting.

I enjoyed the talks. I am understanding more everyday and I especially loved the mission presidents wife's talk in German because she doesn't know much either and she has a very thick accent but she was the only one I could follow completely.

Then, oh my goodness there were so many americans! I was in heaven for an hour afterwards. There is a sister here on mission who I just met last Sunday. She is from Utah and I just walked right up to her today and we gave eachother a hug like we were old friends. I didn't realize how happy I would be to see another american. We both laughed because we thought that was weird right after we hugged eachother. Anyway, then she introduced me to the rest of the majority of american missionaries and then two girls who moved here with family. They were also from Utah and they will only be here to the end of Dec. Bummer.

Then it was back home talking German with my family and getting laughed at because I say things so weird and wrong!

also, gute nacht und bis gleich

So, Great News...I'm going to be an Aunt!!! I'm so excited and My friend Miranda is due with her little girl any day now and so many of my friends are having babies!!!

The Day after TOMORROW

Well, I'm mostly packed and ready to set off on a jet plane with my horse on Wednesday Oct. 8th. A lot of preparation and feels like I've been working on this forever when actually I didn't start making many calls or really getting it all together until 30 days ago.

And with all of the business going on I feel like I have not been able to visit very long at all with the ones that matter to me most. I'm not down or anything. I know everyone is very excited for me and hopes for the best and I certainly do too. I'm very excited and anxious to see whats in store.

I don't think Roode has a clue what's in store and I think he'll have me worried all the way until we get settled at the stable in Germany. My dog Tucker really thinks something weird is happening and he's been following me everywhere! I'm going to miss him very much. He'll stay in CT with a client at the farm here and her ten year old son who absolutely adores Tucker as does he likewise. They had a week together while I was at my Brothers wedding and Tucker was sleeping with the boy.. : (. Will I ever get Tucker back? I'm only kidding. But, I think I'll have to bring the boy a puppy in exchange when I get back so that it won't be too difficult. But, I know Tucker is hard to beat. He's so perfect...most of the time.

Johnny and I are definitely getting sad about leaving eachother. Oct. 13th would be our 1 year dating spree that we don't get to celebrate because I'm leaving a few days before. But he's very excited for me and this whole year he's definitely been my very best friend since Ashley and Beta left me in the dust.

I'll give every bit of interesting detail on Wednesday of all the craziness that entails flying a horse! It will probably be on my other blog of all Germany's journaling that I am promising everyone that I am doing for the 11 months I will be over there.

So...goodnight and I will try to pay more attention to updating my blog from now on.

Katie

Oh My Goodness! It's a little less than a month until I move to Germany and I am so excited!! It's been a long time coming and I've finally finished most preparations and I must admit it really wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.
My brother is getting married on Sep. 27Th and I will be in Idaho to visit and then it's back to CT to move across the world ...Oct. 8th.

rolling eyes

For the first time today, Johnny rolled his eyes at me. I cannot remember what I said but he rolled his eyes at me! I cannot believe it! then I asked him if he really just did that and then we both started cracking up and then it made me think of how I've seen my dad roll his eyes at my mom all the time, like when she asks him to go do something and he just sat down. : )

I love my Beautiful Beast of a horse!!

So a couple of weeks ago a big group of Young Single Adults from my church went to Sharon, VT. It is the birth place of the prophet Joseph Smith who organized The Church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints. Anyway it is an annual thing and this was my third year to attend and I think it was really the best!

First we left Connecticut very late because of everybody's schedules but we were on the road and we made it quick. It was just about dark when we got there but Johnny and I were quick to get my tent up and head over to a dance that another group was putting on. Johnny and I danced around like huge dorks for a little bit and then I was tuckered out so I went back to the campsite and fell asleep. Everybody else partied by the campfire all night and played games.

The next day Saturday I woke up at 4:15 and was set to go. Played four hours of Basketball with guys 2 times my size and only made one shot. :/. Then I hiked a mountain . Then we watched the Joseph Smith Restoration Video. Then we went to get some soft serve down the road and stopped by the river to get our feet a little wet. haha a little I slipped on a ledge that put me in the river wet from the shoulders down! But the more important thing is that I saved my Moose Tracks! Then we went to a Alex Boye Concert which was really more awesome than I thought it was going to be with acception to the non air conditioned building that it was in. Blah. I couldn't wait to shove people out the door once it was over. It was very hot.

Then we drove home and by the time we got to CT it was down pouring like you wouldn't believe and the thunder and lightening was scary! eeek. My worst fear...getting struck by lightening. But we made it. phew...and the rest is history. And as you can see Christian was very tired!

and Johnny is cute!

Home

I have been home for a week now. I flew in last Monday to surprise my dad for a late Father's Day surprise. He was definitely surprised. I would have loved to fly in on Sunday but I had a Dressage competition last weekend and it didn't end until Sunday. anyway, I have been here for about a week and I fly back to Connecticut tomorrow evening.

I was so home sick and this week has gone by so fast. This October I am moving to Germany and that seems to be creeping up very soon.

My mom was telling me earlier about how proud she was of me and my being so independent and being able to just go and do everything I dream of but I actually feel opposite. This is hard for me so bare with me it is just hard for me to really reach deep into my feelings and write what is really there. I express my deepest thoughts to myself only and this is very much new to me.

I feel that those goals which I have (gosh my mind is racing and I hate this) they are always there and I think about them everyday but i never am confident in that they're going to happen. or I don't know how they are going to and I've never known how i did make it by the time I made it. I see everybody Else's hard work for me and I feel a little selfish. I work hard everyday with my daily responsibilities but just like now I'm supposed to be preparing for Germany and I feel so ill-prepared and I don't feel like it's going to happen. I don't exactly feel proud of myself. I feel like I've failed at something and I don't know what it is. My parents have supported me and put me through this intensive training to be the best and for me to be happy and I am but I certainly don't feel independent. At this moment i feel very insecure and I depend a lot upon them. I cannot take care of myself. i mean i can but I cannot. and this makes no sense maybe i 'm just being very hormonal right now.

Mostly....this is totally off the subject... new topic. I think my whole problem in this moment has to do with a very dear friend that I lost because I was stupid.

I just was reading one of her blogs and I just commented on her blog.

Anyway, She was my dearest best friend when I first moved to Connecticut for school. The first time I met her she saved me from a guy that was trying to tie the knot with me from hello as he did her previously so she kindly intervened that's always a good story. We became very good friends and she helped me more than she will ever know. We were total opposites and I was always in awe of her talents and sense of humor. She is really a very brilliant person and I really screwed it up in fall of '06. of all the little friendships that dwindle and fade as we grow up she is certainly one that I think of often and wish I still had. I said some very mean and hurtful things and I destroyed it. Sometimes I get so angry with myself over it like right now. I miss her a lot and I feel like a stalker visiting her page all the time knowing that i cannot talk to her because I'm too afraid or I'll just start balling like I am right now. blah. and I wish i could just spit out what's on m mind. But, it is simply that I miss her and I miss our fun times. I miss my best friend. She was a much better friend to me than i was to her. She had a much better way of giving encouragement and advice than I ever could. I cannot remember any of the things I said to destroy our friendship but I know I was in the wrong. She's married now and she starting a family and she's preparing to give birth to her first child. and I am so very happy for her. She will be an incredible mother! I only wish I could just be acquainted with her life right now. But I really messed it up and I feel that I've done that a lot ...messed things up. but, Miranda if you read this I just want you to know how much i love and care about you and I'm sorry.

sorry this is so blubbered I 'll have to fix it later.

Road rage

So, last night Johnny and I were driving in my car...he was driving and he started to get angry at this other car ...actually several cars along the way. But he then says "I haven't got road rage in a long time" ...well, he hasn't had a car for four months now and so he doesn't ever drive. I pointed that little detail out and we both started laughing and ... I love him.

Happy

Happiness is like wetting your pants, everybody can see it but only you can feel its warmth.

I got some pictures back yesterday. On Sunday, in pursuit of finishing a role of film I took a ton of pictures of my super awesome boyfriend/ future (too far future) something else. and there's also some pictures on there of the farm where my horse and I have been for the past three years!

Ah Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!

Alright!!! Katie has just made a huge mistake. She actually had me write something on her blog spot. This is Johnny Gonzales. I am one of the most envied guys in the area because I get to be Katie's boyfriend. I am really lucky that she doesn't realize that she could have any guy around this area but she still choses me for some reason. We recently had a great time at the beach and then a scenic drive in eastern CT. We have been dating for almost eight months and I haven't messed it up completely yet. Hopefully you will get to hear from me on this site again. I just have to keep her from realizing that she is way too good for a goof ball like me.

Memorial Day weekend

So, on Memorial Day weekend, I had to ride in a clinic at the farm which was a lot of fun and my horse was great.

But, more to the funner part. Johnny and I spent the Monday at the Long Island sound and we fell asleep on the beach and then went on a scenic drive to north east connecticut around Woodstock. And I love him more and more. Hehe. He's so stinkin' cute and full of hotness at the same time. okay okay I'll get on with it.

So, on Sunday Johnny watched me ride and then we spent the rest of the day together and then I was just too exhausted to drive him home and drive back home (because I was afraid I would fall asleep) , which I did last weekend and took my passenger mirror off and that's a whole other whopping mess. But, he slept in the car and then I slept in my nice cumfy bed. on Memorial Day Monday, we got our swimsuits and went to the beach. The water was entirely too cold to even think about swimming. So we fell asleep on the warm sand. and then we took a scenic drive more north on route 169 and we saw a lot of cool places and we got some home-made ice cream too. So good. Tucker (my dog) went with us too. As we were walking through the park to the beach there were a lot of games going on in other groups and Tucker was just full of excitement and didn't know who to try to play with although he couldn't anyway because he was on a leash : ( he hates being on a leash).

The day was so much fun and I'm loving getting to know Johnny even more. I love him dearly. :)